My NettieMortal
by TheFeaturedCreature
Summary: Nettie just wanted to be a normal sea troll princess, but with Dualscar and Dumbledore both competing for her love, what will happen? Who will she give her heart to? Will there ever be any peace at Hogwarts? Read and find out!1111111
1. Chapter 1

My Nettie-Mortal _(The Princess and The Sea Troll)_

By Drunk!Roxie and Seatroll!Nettie

_AN: The following is a satire of all over-obsessed fans and Tara Gillespie. Warning: This will be an insulting fanfiction if you think that you are in love with a fictional character. VIEWR EXCRETION IS ADVISD_

AN: Special flounder fish (gettit, cuz imma seatroll) 2 my matesprit, Roxie, The FeaturedCreature 4 hepling me wif da story and smelling. U rok! Mikey ur da lov of my fishy lif u rock 2! ABNEY PARK ROX!

Hi my name is Nettie Ama'zing Pisces Elenore Anderson and I have short, wavy blonde hair with my side bangs dyed violet and grey eyes like a stormy day and a lot of people tell me that I look like Rose Lalonde (AN: if u dunt no who she is go suck a bulge!) I'm not related to Tom Anderson, but I wish I was because hes such a major fucking hotty! I'm a cross hybrid between human and sea troll and my blood is the royal violet of many seadwellers. I also have these two scars across my face when my daddy's slave whore attacked me. Needless to say, she got culled! I am also a wizard and I go to a magic school calld Hogwars in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm twenty). I'm a hipster (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly huge ass ten feet long capes. I love Urban Outfitters and I buy all my clothes from there! For example today I was wearing a blue tank top and a long grey skirt with big ass Lady Gaga platforms, triangular shades, and a long ass purple cape. I was wearing purple lipstick, grey foundation, red eyeliner, and blue eyeshadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no Signless, which I was very happy about. A lot of mainstream bitches stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"Hey Nettie!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was...ORPHANER DUALSCAR!

"What's up Dualscar?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then I heard Mindfang calling me because she wanted my glasses so I had to go away.

AN: Is it any good? What will happen to Nettie? Will she win the heart of the psycho rapist killer sea troll?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

AN: Sushi 2 TheFeaturedCriture 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW landdwellers stop flaming ma story ok!

The nex day I woke up in my bedroom. It was sunshiny and happy again. I opned the door of my aquarius and drank some Faygo from a bottle I had. My aquarium was purple violet and inside it there were pictures of The Condesce. I got out of my aquarium and dried myself with some random sweaty guy's towel which I used to dry myself with. Instead, I put on a feauxx fur fethar dress (Because real feather is lame!), my black hipster glasses, sparkly ballerina flats and a long ass cape on. I put on four rings on my fingers and put my short hair into tiny ass pigtails.

My friend, Redglare(AN: The alternate version of Latula) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her spiky raven hair that was really straight and opened her teal colored eyes. She put on her tight sweater which showed of her tits, her red ponty booys and bllu stockings. We put on our makeup (Purple lipstick grey foundation and green eyeliner)

"OMFG, I saw you lick talking to Orphaner Dualscar yesterday!" she said, creaming loudly.

"Yeah, so?" I said, blshing a deep violet.

"Do you like Dualscsr?" she asked as we went out of the Gryffindor common room and into the Great Hall.

"Ew, no! Like dude, he sleeps with Dolorosa every night, that stupid slave whore of his." Granted, it wasn't _her_ fault that she was his slave, but still, she was a whore.

"Yeah, right!" she explained. Just then, Dualscar walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied sexily.

"Guess what." he asked.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Justin Bieber are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"OH MY FUCKING GOG!" I screamed. I love JB. They are my favvorite band, ironically, of course.

"Well...do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I creamed.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMING THE STORY MAINSTREAMS OK! odderwise suchi to the hipster ppl 4 da good reviews! FANGS AGEN ROXIE! oh yeah, BTW I dont own dis or da lyrics 4 Hipster Whore.

On the night of the concert I put on my purple lace up TOMS with high heels. Underneath them were black, ripped leggings from the Signless. Then I put on a purple crocodile leather minidress with all this lace and whips on the back. I put on matching lace on my arms. I straightened my hair and put into my tiny ass pigtails. I felt a little sober then, so I drank one of Roxy's vodka bottles. I read a derpessing book while I waited for the alcohol to take effect and listened to some Electro-Swing. I painted my nails yellow and put on TONS of green eyeliner. Then I put on some purple lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was grey anyway. I drank some cognac so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Dualscar was waiting there in front of his Scorpius 3000. He was wearing a Creatuere Feature t-shirt (They would play at the show 2!), baggy blue skater panskat, pink nail polish and a little of Dolorosa's genetic material (AN: A lot of kewl boiz wer it ok!)

"Hi Dualscar!" I said in a pissed voice.

"HiNeTtIe." he said back. We walked into his flying Scorpius 3000(the license plate said 'Fuck The Lowbloods') and flew to the place without the concert. On the way we listende excitedly to Whore Bibble and Penut Bitter. We smoked booze and shit. When we got there, we both hopped out of the ship. We went into the mosh pit at the back of the stage (because the front is too mainstream) and jumped up and down as we listened to Justin Bieber.

"BABY, BABY, BABEEE, OH, AND I WAS ALIKE BABY BABY BABY OOOOOOOHOHHHHH. THOUGHT YOU'D ALWAYS BE MMMMIIIINNNNNNNNEEEEEEE!" sang Justin (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat 'song')

"Justing is so fucking hot, ironically," I sad to Dualscar, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his pathetic excuse for a singing voice.

Suddenly Dualscar looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we grinded against Mindfang and Aranea. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOOOOUUUUU!" I creamed.

"Weally?" asked Dualscar sensitively, purple teardrops falling down his scarred face.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Justin and he's going out with Selena fucking Gomez. I gucking hate that little bitch." I said barfing, thinking of her ugly brunette face.

The night went on really well and I had a fucking rad time. So did Dualscar. After the concert, we drank some whiskey (Because beer is for pussies) and asked some stupid hobo for his autograph and photo with him. We even got his soiled panties! Dualscar and I crawled back into the Scorpussy 3000, but Dualscar didn't go back into Hobwarts, instead he drove the car into...DERSKE!

**AN: Aww, I've gotten some hate reviews saying that I'm doing this wrong! If I were, then why do people on deviantART love this? Answer that, please.**


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